Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Strange things before the sun comes up

I know it's been a long time and, since I have a few minutes while adjusting to jet lag, I decided to try and write down how my morning went (I've been having to retell it a lot anyway.) There were a total of three things that were unexpected.

#1 While going through the toll area of the Bay Bridge, I had out a $5 bill. I didn't realize that before 5 AM, the toll is four dollars. When I handed my bill to the woman and asked for a receipt, she kept her hand (holding my $5) held out to me and said "Change." I didn't understand what she meant, I thought she would turn to the register, pull out a $1 and then turn back to hand it to me. She impatiently screams the word "CHANGE!" at me.

I squint and realize that, between her ring and pinky finger is a tightly rolled and folded bill. I take it and she turns to the register to print my receipt. I say, "Sorry, I didn't see that there."

She says, "I don't give a s$#@ what you think, you motherf%@#$er."

Like I normally do in this type of situation, I burst out laughing. She holds the receipt out at me, I take it and she screams "Get OUT of here you B%#@H!!" - and so I pull out onto the bridge.

#2 I am about to go through the metal detector at the security point at SFO. I let some airline staff in ahead of me since there is no specific cut-in point for this terminal. While standing there waiting, a TSA agent approaches me. (I would like to preface this part by saying, I expect that his normal interaction is he asks someone about an item, they say "Oh." and start removing said item. It's the only reason I can think of for this behavior.)

He walks up to me and the conversation starts, "Do you have a belt?"

"Yeah, it's in here", and I point to the tray.

"Keys?" - I point to my bag.

"Phone?" - I point to my bag.

"Shoes?" - I confusedly point to my sock covered feet.

"You'll need to take your laptop out." I unzip my awesome backpack that separates the laptop section from the rest of the bag, making it TSA compliant to go through on it's own.

This went on for about three minutes as a game of "Stump The Traveler" until I went through the metal detector. Everyone was giggling.

#3 With the plane taking off at 6 AM, almost everyone was asleep. The flight attendants came through asking the passengers who were awake if they wanted a snack - and they had three choices. As she approached my aisle, I could hear the choices and, apparently, so could a little girl a couple rows up on the other side of the plane. Guess which word the kid keyed in on : peanuts, pretzels, or cookies.

I heard noises relating to a desire for the cookies, a whining for the cookies, followed by an all-out screaming and crying. Some genius picks this time to actually GET the cookies - verifying that they do, in fact, exist and are being given out freely. The screaming gets cranked to eleven and goes on for about 20 minutes.

So yeah, Delta, on early flights how about nixing the cookies.

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